"The Amazing Cucumber", Or Just Tasty...

"The Amazing Cucumber" is mentioned in an email making the rounds lately. Now I love cucumber, but I have my doubts about some of the claims I've included further on in this post.

I'm well aware of how many urban legends float around the internet. So when a friend emailed me something about cucumbers, I checked the validity of the message, as usual. I typically do a google search using a few of the key words, and very often, snopes articles appear, telling whether the article in question is true or false. Very handy!

When I did my research this time, I found pages of articles, all word-for-word cut-and-pasted... tens of blogs (thousands, perhaps? I quit checking out all the pages), all reprinting the information, some even assuming authorship. Other posts mentioned that the original article came from the New York Times (a "Spotlight on the Home" series). Well, I checked out the New York Times, and found nothing, absolutely nothing, in relation to these "amazing cucumber" claims. But I guess if one blogger mentions that it was originally posted in the New York Times, and other bloggers read about it, they just might make the same claim themselves, if they don't check to discover otherwise. It certainly seems to lend validity to their posts. (Unless you happen to know it's not true!)

In my online travels, I ran across some interesting people. I traced the profiles of one woman in particular, who seemed to be claiming herself the original author of this piece of work. As I dug deeper, I found her profile on Twitter, mentioning that her true goal is to help other people make money online. And maybe this is the key that I've been missing all along; the key for which I refuse to pay anyone for: Just find some interesting stuff that's a hot topic right now, and print your own version, and get lots of hits to your monetized site, and make lots of money!

Somehow, it seems a bit indecent. But hey, in any case, here's the original email message:

1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.

2.Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.

3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.

4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.

5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!

6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!

7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation.

8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.

9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!

10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber will react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams..

11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.

12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but it won't leave streaks and won't harm your fingers or fingernails while you clean.

13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!

Now, I don't mean to spoil everyone's cucumber fun... And I admit, I get a bit serious sometimes. But hey, I just don't want to go to the bother of putting that cucumber into the aluminum pie tin in order to kill the slugs, only to find that it doesn't really work. (I get so excited about such prospects; I don't want to be disappointed!) But just in case I have started to spoil anyone's good fun, I found this comment on a forum on snopes, which should put us all back into a good mood. If the internet can do that much for us, then I guess it's all right :)

(Taken from a snopes forum page): "Cucumbers can temporarily repair a broken fuel injector. Cut the cucumber into thirds lengthwise; remove the retaining grommet, pull out the injector, and insert a third of the cucumber, remembering to plug the fuel line into the end of the cucumber.

In an emergency (such as being lost in the desert) a dog can live for up to thirty minutes on cucumbers alone.

Cucumbers can serve as bookmarks for very thick books.

Egyptologists believe that the huge blocks of stone used to make the Pyramids were rolled up inclined planes by using millions of cucumbers as rollers.

Elton John used to use cucumber slices as frames for his spectacles.

The word "cucumber" is funny because it has a "k" sound. Two in fact, so it's practically hilarious.

The word "cucumber" comes from two Old English words, "cu" and "cumber." "Cu" means "cow." "Cumber" means "to strike repeatedly on the head with a blunt instrument." To this day cows flinch when they see cucumbers. Therefore, bullfighters would be well advised to jam a cucumber down the front of their trousers before entering the ring, just in case.

"Cucumber" has exactly the same meter as "Moon River," so if you're writing a spoof of a Johnny Mercer song, there's your beginning right there."